This is a true story about a client who used mindfulness to overcome crippling anxiety. I was contacted about this time of year by a woman who I’ll call Clare. She said she had been experiencing some anxiety and I had been recommended to her by her doctor. Every client of mine is offered a free chat about what they are looking for and what I do before they go ahead with the sessions. In the free session, Clare was very keen to get going and to get her anxiety under control. At that time I had no idea of the extent to which anxiety and other menopause symptoms had reduced her quality of life.
Each week we discussed the issues that she had and how she could use mindfulness to reduce the anxiety around the situation. She was very committed to changing the situation and to getting her symptoms under control. She practiced each meditation at least once a day. She incorporated the practices into her life and her family supported her. They saw the difference that it made in her and encouraged her to take the time to do the meditation.
As with many women, she had understated the extent of her problems. Over the weeks we got to know one another. I came to see how a strong woman had become utterly debilitated by perimenopause symptoms. A woman who had survived a difficult childhood and single handedly brought up two daughters who were both still living with her, now with a granddaughter too, had become unable to answer the phone, drive the car, or eventually to leave the house.
Her daughters, now in their early twenties, looked after her in a way that was frankly heart warming. They went to the chemist for her medication, they supported her to go online to join support groups and talked to people who they thought might be able to help her. They encouraged her to change her diet to deal with migraines. They helped her to navigate the instructions of the HRT medication and they enabled her to get online to attend my sessions, in a way that over the weeks made me feel like part of the family.
Clare started to become more able to look after herself and to deal with the stresses of daily life. She became the proud owner of two small puppies, but when they were old enough to be ready to venture outside the house, she wasn’t able to take them. And it was months before I realised just how long she had stayed at home and that during this time she had sold her car, having decided that she would never be able to drive again.
As the HRT started to help the physical symptoms of the perimenopause and the meditation enabled her to deal with the anxiety, Clare made small steps towards getting back in control of her life. From the moment she woke up, she checked on her breathing and started the day with an intention to stay present and mindful. She made regular slots of meditation. She ate well and started to manage better when family life became stressful, in a way that it always does. With each obstacle that she overcame, she became slightly calmer and slightly stronger.
Eventually one morning she told me that she and her daughter had taken the puppies over the road to the park. They were all nervous, puppies included! They had not ventured far and not been out for long but they had all loved it. They had run up and down until they were all tired and most importantly they made a promise to do it again. Over the weeks they continued their progress surely and steadily and slowly they started to go further afield.
As she became stronger, I suggested that we leave some more time between each session to give her some independence. We moved from every week to every two weeks, every three and then to once a month. This allowed her to make sure that mindfulness was an established part of her daily routine. She tried out a variety of different meditations and different practices and decided on those that worked best for her.
Seeing the progress that she had made her daughter bought her a car. A car just like the one that she had sold a few months ago, making sure it was a similar model so that there were not too many adjustments to make and that it would be as close as possible to the one she was used to. This gesture was so thoughtful and so kind and supportive. The car sat there for some weeks and there were many reasons as to why it was not the right time to drive it. No one put any pressure on her to go anywhere. And then one day she told me that she had driven her partner to the dentist. A short trip that she didn’t attach much importance to, but also the proof that now she was able to re-engage with the world.
She still uses my audio meditations on SoundCloud and she still practices her mindfulness. She does not need any more sessions, although she knows she could book one any time. In a few months she has become able to manage many of the mental and physical symptoms of perimenopause which she had previously found utterly debilitating and which had seriously decreased her quality of life. This is World Menopause Month. We need to talk about the realities around what happens and support each other to make it manageable.