Walking through graveyards it is normal to feel a range of emotions, from sorrow for those we have lost and for those who have recently lost people close to them, and we might wonder about all the lives from hundreds of years ago and all the stories that have been lost along the way, or may some that are still remembered. Sometimes we might feel a sense of peace or gratitiude and, maybe a renewed sense of perspective, as we are reminded that life is short and our time here is precious. This can be a valuable reminder to us at any age. We often live in denial of death but each time we are brought closer to it, it can help us to remember how valuable time is and how important those close to us are. This can help us to live slightly happier and maybe more meaningful lives.
I have found that as I spend time with older people, it is important to give them time to talk about the people who they have lost. I have noticed that people tend to display the order of service cards from the funerals of those they have lost, even years after the event. I take this as an opportunity to invite them to talk about the person who they have lost and they tend to be very grateful. Maybe it is easier to talk to someone who isn't a member of the family, knowing that they will not be upset. Although being who I am I have still shed a tear for someone I have never met, just from the strong sense of loss in the person who I do know and who I do care about.
It can be hard for us to talk, or even think, about death but sometimes that makes it hard to communicate with each other about the realities and the emotions that come with death and bereavement. When I was 17, one of my college friends who had just lost his dad told me, "When someone dies, you can't say the wrong thing, you just have to say something. Saying nothing is the worst thing". And I have tried to live by this ever since.
I took this photo the day that I took someone to see their husband's grave. They hadn't been able to get there for many months due to mobility issues. It is a bit of a walk from the car, which was a challenge but it is a beautiful place to walk slowly and stop along the way. After we had been to see him, we walked the long way through the churchyard past all the very old gaves surrounded by the new growth of the spring flowers.
We sat on a bench in the sunshine and talked a bit, and sometimes sat in silence allowing each other to feel the presence of death and our own losses, in between chatting about the flowers and the weather. As the clouds came over we headed back to the car and she stopped to say, "Thank you for bringing me here today, I do appreciate it. I hope you didn't mind a trip a to the graveyard". And I reassured that there was nowhere else I would rather have been this morning
